Get all 11 Quinn Cicala releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Fresh Brewed Live Sessions, Arkansas, New York Times, Cicala, Talkin to Breathe, Post Country, Dream I Had, House above an Apartment (2015-2016 Demos), and 3 more.
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I'm afraid that I will one day yell too loud and I will blow my voice out and I will bleed out of my mouth and I won't ever talk again, I won't ever laugh again, and I won't ever sing again to a lover, friend, or crowd but I try not to think about things like that because I wanna be happy.
I wanna be the smartest person in the room and I want everyone to notice when I am present.
I wanna be laughing at a joke that Jimmy said in a diner in Poughkeepsie and I am surrounded by all my friends.
I know that it must be hard for you to handle when she is drunk and you're alone and you just wanna go home.
Just know that you are strong, stronger than me, stronger than I could ever be in this life but I try not to think about things like that because
I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna be the brightest person in the room, and everyone will notice when I am absent.
I'm gonna be laughing at a joke that my best friend said in a restauraunt far away from here, surrounded by all my friends
But just know that you got my attention.
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2. |
22
04:27
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When you're out of the city and you get out of your car, you can see the night sky and the stars and you can see exactly how goddamn small you really are
And when you're on your deathbed and you're thinking of all the people you met and you're wishing you had spent more time with those that you love and you wish you had not been so nervous all the time. It only held you back from the places you saw and the good times and the times where you would fall and you would have to get back up but you would get stronger every time. Well I'm glad I don't have your life
You were born on the day that your mother had died and God knows that's a bad start to life and with every Christmas and every birthday you could not help but wonder what kind of person she was and if she'd like you and you would like her and if she was an artist then you would picture all the colors and schemes that she would show you when you were two, three, four years old. And I sit here and I write in my notebook and I think of what such a harsh life could show me. Could I learn from other's mistakes and manage not to repeat them?
And I remember how lucky I am. I have my own family and my own friends and I'm able to do the things that I do on a wonderful day to day basis. But you grew up and tragedy take its toll but you met your wife at the local grocery store and eventually in your twenties, you had children of your own. One was named John after your father. He was a brave man in the war he had fallen in. And your wife chose the name for your daughter; her name was Emily. And you were happy and they were happy but once you got to working to provide for your family, the distance grew between you. It grew inches every day.
And now you sit here while you're an old man and you tell me your regrets and you tell me your plans and how you would have lived life over again if you were given the chance. And I hope I can write to you. I hope that you're alive when I'm 22 and none of this matters and I am just happy and you'll see the day where you are proud of me. Stay alive. Life is hard but you've got a harsh life.
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3. |
Post Tour Depression
03:50
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It's been more than a week since I've woken up in the same bed two nights in a row
I just get up to pee and then I go back to sleep
But I had a dream that I went from Asheville, North Carolina to Denver, Colorado and I made it there in less than seventeen hours
It's been a little weird waking up and not having you right next to me
I've been trying to fill the void with computer games and TV
But I wake up in the middle of the night to darkness and silence and I wanna scream because I haven't felt this lonely in so long
I keep on expecting to wake up and write this song
I'm not a perfect soul but I think I've been surrounded by perfect souls these days
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4. |
F for Father
03:48
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Father I am not the person you pin me as
I'm a liar, a thief, and I've made my own bed
I've dirtied the sheets and now I need to rest
But I can't and you know that it's not in my head
But if we could slow it down and turn time back, you know I would
Father my conscious needs to be swept clean
Under a rug or table is where it could be
Because it's sitting in the chair and it's staring at me
Make it disappear so that I can be free
'Cause if I was free, I could be far away from here and not next to you
And he said "son, I already know"
Father I find myself wondering a lot
About other places where I am not
'Cause if I take this guitar and the wood doesn't rot
I'll be around some day when I decide to stop
Father your words are needed this time
Don't you forget about the rest of this life
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5. |
Sensitive and Fickle
02:35
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An eager test of time is the solution before we die because everything is temporary and you're not gonna wait for me.
It's so sick and it's a bummer, it's the hottest day of the summer when you leave from work and you drink yourself to sleep
Well I'm awake most of the night and if you wanna bother me or fight unfortunately I'm your man
And if you wanna get some coffee, instead of your liver kill your kidneys well then I think I would understand.
It's a signal of distress, it's that stress taken off your chest when you figure out that you're gonna die some day
And try not to watch the news because I don't want it to scare you because I know just how you are, so sensitive and fickle now
I may be young but I know I've been in love and you still have a lot to learn
And you can say you're moving out and make your family cry and your boyfriend doubt, go ahead and tell yourself that's what they've earned
We all have our struggles, we all try to stay relevant and you by no means are immune
So I guess I'll see you around, but I hope that you can stay un-found because you're happier that way, I assume
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6. |
Letter
04:40
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It took three years to write that letter to you
It took three months to find an envelope to send it in
It took three weeks to finally mail it out and send it
And it probably took a week for it to reach you
And it read "I am done with everything that this world has for me. I was lost but now I see and I could do that without you"
Well it's not like I ever cared
Nowadays I found myself driving out
Farther than I need to out of town where the roads roughen up but it's still the same county
And I am not reminded of you but every once in a while I think of you
And I wonder if you're still in the same house and you're still with the same lover that you had before me and if he's treating you well and if he can keep you horny
Well it's not like I ever cared
There's a house that I used to live in
And I try to occasionally visit them but you know me I'm stubborn and I don't cave in and I don't forgive people's sins too easily
And I am taking all the strides that I need and I am going about life as I please
And sometimes I found myself in someone's house that I've never met before and I am singing and playing guitar and they're listening and I feel adored and I remember the times where all I'd do is lay in bed with you
Well I don't think that there's any one thing that I would change and I all I can do is hope that you're out there and you feel the same
Well I could say that I don't care but you know I'd be lying and you could see through it, just like you could see through me
I only occasionally think of you but that doesn't mean that we were ever meant to be or that I miss you it just means that I can think back to all those fond memories
Of us yelling in each other's face
Of the times I drove back to your place
Of the beach spent on a summer day
Well I don't miss you anymore and that's okay
Well I don't wanna kiss you anymore and I think that's okay
And if ever a friend of yours decides this message will relay
Well then it's possible that you'll hear this song some day
It took three years to finish this letter to you
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7. |
Songbird
01:51
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I met you out last night after I got off work late in my work clothes hoping to not be seen by anyone else I know
Except for you, you wrote my songs in a way that I couldn't write them myself
I was the recorder or the moderator, someone that you could tell
And I never wanna get in other people's business but I find myself on everyone's shit list because of something that I did a million years ago and I forgot
I forgot anything that I did before last week, I am constantly counting out all the times I sing
I am seeing everyone else in a better place than me and when my peers buy houses I'll still be waiting here to see
Why a songbird can't just write it out and feel better in the morning
Why someone who's so gifted is always feeling so damn boring
I will make it to your house tonight but I'll leave right away
Because you're drunk and I know that you won't remember what I say
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8. |
Wednesday in Waco
03:10
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I am driving around my drunk friends in Waco, Texas on a Wednesday in the month of May
And every step that I take is a step that I've never taken
I guess nostalgia while you're traveling is rare
I guess this foreign landscape in front of me is oh so bare
I guess nostalgia while you're traveling is rare
I try to learn from the mistakes that my parents made
I think they both wasted a bunch of valuable time that's now gone
And whether it was from drugs or just simply falling in love I think I'd rather see myself in a position where I can move on
Whether I find myself in serving tables somewhere or exploring new places
I hope that whatever it is I can just move on
I miss the way we'd talk before you were always away in a world of your own that is not here
And I know that you can blame it on your family and friends but you and I both know that you're better than that
And maybe it has been a rough couple of years
But as long as when we die we don't die here
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9. |
24
04:35
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When I was 24 I made the choice that I would eventually be free
3 years later I was 27 and I made the decision completely and I quit a job where I was making 55,463 dollars every year since I was out of high school at 18 and I hadn't saved a dime of it, I spent all of my money here
And you're on my list of things to see
I write a song about you every week
When I was 30 I had seen most of the country where I happened to be born
I had no car because I sold it for money that I spent at the grocery store and over time I traveled west hitch hiking and bumming with no destination in mind and I began to wonder if it was all worth it by the time that I was 35
And you're still on my list of things to see
I still write up a song about you every week
I still have dreams about you in my sleep
And I still wonder when we'll ever be
On my 40th birthday, I was on the other side of the world
I had skinnied out and my shirt and jeans had hung past the ends of my curled and twisted body that was the skeleton of someone rational who had lived long ago
And at 48 that person was a spectacle of someone who lived on his toes
And you're still on his list of things to see
He still thinks up a song about you every week
He ran away from you well he's coming back free
And you and him will meet eventually
When I was 50, I decided to rest and I went back to my old home town
Everything seemed just a little too familiar like nothing had even gone down in 23 years of travelling nothing ever stayed the same which is why I was so confused
And as a 60 year old man, I can tell you that nothing in this life isn't amusing
When you're someone who's on a list of things to see
Get the hell away from this city
And when I die some day know that I'll be free
And I want you to at least remember me
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