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House above an Apartment (2015​-​2016 Demos)

by Quinn Cicala

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Apes
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Apes Lovely collection from songs from a great songwriter. I've been listening all day. Looking forward to the upcoming album Favorite track: Tired.
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1.
Gracious 02:52
I was the postcard that you sent away And your absence was substituted by another soul I was the sentiment to your structure And now that I am gone, would you like another go? 'Cause I'm tired of holding all these ropes I was the message, and you the receiver And now that I am read, do you change your mind? And I'm in a meltdown, the result of a panic But will the blood of my parents seep through me over time? 'Cause I've been weary of holding all these debts in line Is my changing the betrayal of my roots? Or am I meant to pack my bags and never come back? Does my suffering mirror yours? Or is it something that will remain in me and keep me torn? You were the postcard You were the sentiment You were the blood spilled on the street You are the bread that I will eat Am I holding it together? Am I out of line? You were the parent with the debt in my roots You were the one that I could look to (now, fuck you)
2.
22 04:27
When you're out of the city and you get out of your car, you can see the night sky and the stars and you can see exactly how goddamn small you really are And when you're on your deathbed and you're thinking of all the people you met and you're wishing you had spent more time with those that you love and you wish you had not been so nervous all the time. It only held you back from the places you saw and the good times and the times where you would fall and you would have to get back up but you would get stronger every time. Well I'm glad I don't have your life You were born on the day that your mother had died and God knows that's a bad start to life and with every Christmas and every birthday you could not help but wonder what kind of person she was and if she'd like you and you would like her and if she was an artist then you would picture all the colors and schemes that she would show you when you were two, three, four years old. And I sit here and I write in my notebook and I think of what such a harsh life could show me. Could I learn from other's mistakes and manage not to repeat them? And I remember how lucky I am. I have my own family and my own friends and I'm able to do the things that I do on a wonderful day to day basis. But you grew up and tragedy take its toll but you met your wife at the local grocery store and eventually in your twenties, you had children of your own. One was named John after your father. He was a brave man in the war he had fallen in. And your wife chose the name for your daughter; her name was Emily. And you were happy and they were happy but once you got to working to provide for your family, the distance grew between you. It grew inches every day. And now you sit here while you're an old man and you tell me your regrets and you tell me your plans and how you would have lived life over again if you were given the chance. And I hope I can write to you. I hope that you're alive when I'm 22 and none of this matters and I am just happy and you'll see the day where you are proud of me. Stay alive. Life is hard but you've got a harsh life.
3.
It's been more than a week since I've woken up in the same bed two nights in a row I just get up to pee and then I go back to sleep But I had a dream that I went from Asheville, North Carolina to Denver, Colorado and I made it there in less than seventeen hours It's been a little weird waking up and not having you right next to me I've been trying to fill the void with computer games and TV But I wake up in the middle of the night to darkness and silence and I wanna scream because I haven't felt this lonely in so long I keep on expecting to wake up and write this song I'm not a perfect soul but I think I've been surrounded by perfect souls these days
4.
Happy 02:17
I'm so happy that I woke up this morning I'm glad that I can make all my mistakes I'm a maker of movement, I'm the son of a gun that's loaded And I'm looking down the barrel as it stares at my face I'm happy that I can wake up at dawn instead of staying up all night until it's too late And I'm happy I can sing my heart out to my song I'd rather have that than be at heaven's gate I feel obliged to keep you company You've been through a lot, I can tell by the way your hands shake But if I never see the sun then you will see You'll be my little light in an ocean where darkness awaits
5.
I don't think I'm ever gonna go back to school and yet i love learning, you must think I'm a fool I don't think I'm ever gonna make more than ten grand a year I won't ever live on my own, no I will live in fear I don't think I'm ever gonna move away from the beach I'm too established, it's way too damn easy I don't think I'm ever gonna learn how to play the drums because I'd rather have someone else play the drums I don't think I'm ever gonna get rid of my cell phone It's a waste of time but at least I can call my friends I don't think I'm ever gonna finish this fucking album It's too hard to write, I'll never come up with an end I don't think I'm ever gonna harness the gift of gab I get anxious around lots of people that I don't know I don't think I'm ever gonna sell a record that I have I get attached to things, I need to learn to let go
6.
F for Father 03:48
Father I am not the person you pin me as I'm a liar, a thief, and I've made my own bed I've dirtied the sheets and now I need to rest But I can't and you know that it's not in my head But if we could slow it down and turn time back, you know I would Father my conscious needs to be swept clean Under a rug or table is where it could be Because it's sitting in the chair and it's staring at me Make it disappear so that I can be free 'Cause if I was free, I could be far away from here and not next to you And he said "son, I already know" Father I find myself wondering a lot About other places where I am not 'Cause if I take this guitar and the wood doesn't rot I'll be around some day when I decide to stop Father your words are needed this time Don't you forget about the rest of this life
7.
An eager test of time is the solution before we die because everything is temporary and you're not gonna wait for me. It's so sick and it's a bummer, it's the hottest day of the summer when you leave from work and you drink yourself to sleep Well I'm awake most of the night and if you wanna bother me or fight unfortunately I'm your man And if you wanna get some coffee, instead of your liver kill your kidneys well then I think I would understand. It's a signal of distress, it's that stress taken off your chest when you figure out that you're gonna die some day And try not to watch the news because I don't want it to scare you because I know just how you are, so sensitive and fickle now I may be young but I know I've been in love and you still have a lot to learn And you can say you're moving out and make your family cry and your boyfriend doubt, go ahead and tell yourself that's what they've earned We all have our struggles, we all try to stay relevant and you by no means are immune So I guess I'll see you around, but I hope that you can stay un-found because you're happier that way, I assume
8.
Letter 04:40
It took three years to write that letter to you It took three months to find an envelope to send it in It took three weeks to finally mail it out and send it And it probably took a week for it to reach you And it read "I am done with everything that this world has for me. I was lost but now I see and I could do that without you" Well it's not like I ever cared Nowadays I found myself driving out Farther than I need to out of town where the roads roughen up but it's still the same county And I am not reminded of you but every once in a while I think of you And I wonder if you're still in the same house and you're still with the same lover that you had before me and if he's treating you well and if he can keep you horny Well it's not like I ever cared There's a house that I used to live in And I try to occasionally visit them but you know me I'm stubborn and I don't cave in and I don't forgive people's sins too easily And I am taking all the strides that I need and I am going about life as I please And sometimes I found myself in someone's house that I've never met before and I am singing and playing guitar and they're listening and I feel adored and I remember the times where all I'd do is lay in bed with you Well I don't think that there's any one thing that I would change and I all I can do is hope that you're out there and you feel the same Well I could say that I don't care but you know I'd be lying and you could see through it, just like you could see through me I only occasionally think of you but that doesn't mean that we were ever meant to be or that I miss you it just means that I can think back to all those fond memories Of us yelling in each other's face Of the times I drove back to your place Of the beach spent on a summer day Well I don't miss you anymore and that's okay Well I don't wanna kiss you anymore and I think that's okay And if ever a friend of yours decides this message will relay Well then it's possible that you'll hear this song some day It took three years to finish this letter to you
9.
Songbird 01:51
I met you out last night after I got off work late in my work clothes hoping to not be seen by anyone else I know Except for you, you wrote my songs in a way that I couldn't write them myself I was the recorder or the moderator, someone that you could tell And I never wanna get in other people's business but I find myself on everyone's shit list because of something that I did a million years ago and I forgot I forgot anything that I did before last week, I am constantly counting out all the times I sing I am seeing everyone else in a better place than me and when my peers buy houses I'll still be waiting here to see Why a songbird can't just write it out and feel better in the morning Why someone who's so gifted is always feeling so damn boring I will make it to your house tonight but I'll leave right away Because you're drunk and I know that you won't remember what I say
10.
I am driving around my drunk friends in Waco, Texas on a Wednesday in the month of May And every step that I take is a step that I've never taken I guess nostalgia while you're traveling is rare I guess this foreign landscape in front of me is oh so bare I guess nostalgia while you're traveling is rare I try to learn from the mistakes that my parents made I think they both wasted a bunch of valuable time that's now gone And whether it was from drugs or just simply falling in love I think I'd rather see myself in a position where I can move on Whether I find myself in serving tables somewhere or exploring new places I hope that whatever it is I can just move on I miss the way we'd talk before you were always away in a world of your own that is not here And I know that you can blame it on your family and friends but you and I both know that you're better than that And maybe it has been a rough couple of years But as long as when we die we don't die here
11.
Charger 03:03
There is someone looking at me in the window of my old house, I keep on moving around trying not to make eye contact with the person that I fear most And I was looking for a charger and I accidentally found all the notes that you wrote to me in high school and I threw every last one away And I was looking for a charger, l00kin 4 a ch*rg*r I was looking for a charger didn't find it any way I'm afraid of throwing myself in debt, college is looking pretty expensive I don't spend money unless it's on food or records So much time, so much time was wasted on you and I Now I can't find a way to say good bye But if I had anything to say, I wouldn't say anything And there's a picture on your wall of all your old friends in high school and you tore it down to forget all of your shortcomings A long time ago, I was on your wall too but you tore me down too you were bound 2 There is someone looking at me in the window of my old house
12.
24 04:35
When I was 24 I made the choice that I would eventually be free 3 years later I was 27 and I made the decision completely and I quit a job where I was making 55,463 dollars every year since I was out of high school at 18 and I hadn't saved a dime of it, I spent all of my money here And you're on my list of things to see I write a song about you every week When I was 30 I had seen most of the country where I happened to be born I had no car because I sold it for money that I spent at the grocery store and over time I traveled west hitch hiking and bumming with no destination in mind and I began to wonder if it was all worth it by the time that I was 35 And you're still on my list of things to see I still write up a song about you every week I still have dreams about you in my sleep And I still wonder when we'll ever be On my 40th birthday, I was on the other side of the world I had skinnied out and my shirt and jeans had hung past the ends of my curled and twisted body that was the skeleton of someone rational who had lived long ago And at 48 that person was a spectacle of someone who lived on his toes And you're still on his list of things to see He still thinks up a song about you every week He ran away from you well he's coming back free And you and him will meet eventually When I was 50, I decided to rest and I went back to my old home town Everything seemed just a little too familiar like nothing had even gone down in 23 years of travelling nothing ever stayed the same which is why I was so confused And as a 60 year old man, I can tell you that nothing in this life isn't amusing When you're someone who's on a list of things to see Get the hell away from this city And when I die some day know that I'll be free And I want you to at least remember me
13.
Tired 03:24
The street lights have been fading for days oh it seems darker every time I come home later than I mean I will never remember anything that I say that's out of line You will never bother with anything that you've left behind But all these late nights, all these late nights They're getting the best of me It's raining out there and it's dark and it's cold and I would be scared if I went to your bed 'cause I would have to first get there But that smile on your face, oh can it replace my animosity? Just because something is free doesn't mean that it isn't dirt cheap But all these long days, all these long days They're getting the best of me But all these long days, all these long days They're getting ahead of me Mother, I won't be home at least not tonight You can cry and you can cry but I don't think that would be right I've got a dream to achieve but that's hard to do when you've got an 8 And I hope you don't hate 'Cause all these late nights, all these late nights They're getting ahead of me And all these long days, all these long days They're getting ahead of me
14.
Well my dad told me that he's gonna work until the day he dies Well I hope that I don't have to do that too Well my mom told me that one day she's gonna pay off the mortgage Well hopefully she doesn't die before she gets to see that through Well my teacher told me that I should have become a doctor I should've done something with my life other than a waste Well my friend told me that I need to be more original I need to stop using a basic chord progression it all sounds the same But we only live once and I'm not afraid to die and I can't bite my tongue When I talk about death I don't seem apologetic because God's work will be done And he doesn't care if you live till you're 122, you're going to hell Well Pavement taught me that it's cool to hate other people's music Because no one makes the best music but yourself And books taught me things about the world that I wouldn't even know yet Like Existentialism and ideas that collect dust on a shelf Well sleep taught me what death probably feels like And to me, I think that seems completely fine And work taught me to always try and just live life Because I'd rather be dead than work until the day I die
15.
Tomorrow I have all the reason in the world to wake up late for work 'cause I hate customers and I hate my job But lately I've been so happy that I don't even notice The day pass by me and they won't stop Maybe it's the weather or the lack of the winter Maybe it's that I play guitar every day But either way it doesn't matter, I was born to love and make things shatter And no one can disturb me in my fate You see, back when I was in middle school, I thought that everyone else was cool except for me and that really hurt But then I was in tenth grade, I learned to play my friend's guitar and now I have no trouble saying my words But those nights where we would drive up all the same streets And the classes I failed and the lost hours of sleep I will never forget what everyone in moments meant to me And those filled notebooks with writing that I can't read and the empty packs that were thrown in the backseat Even when I'm depressed, I'll still remember all these memories And I just dropped out of college 'cause I wasn't going anyway And I wasn't doing well and wasting time And my family is angry but I know it's justified because I've been handed everything so far in my life Maybe they're not angry, or maybe they're just worried Maybe they're afraid I won't go back But life is life and pain is pain and in the end we're all the same And maybe a college degree isn't where it was at When I was growing up, I thought I'd go to school, become a doctor and get lots of cash, marry a beautiful woman and own a nice apartment, save up and eventually become a dad But those days where we decided to take a road trip and all the money that I spent on shit If I could take it all back, I don't think I'd take back a thing And those times where I slept on floors and couches and the dreams I have about getting myself out there Sometimes I wonder if I could, would I get up and leave? Sometimes I get depressed and I can't imagine my own future and I find it easy to dive into vice But I feel so young, I can't see myself getting older All I wanna do is play this music and play nice But sometimes there's people in your life that don't see your vision And those people do no good for you You should say fuck em, leave em behind 'Cause there's no point in wasting your time and spend it pleasing people that don't even live your life But all the places that I've been and all the persons that I've met and all the girls that made me smile and all the people I haven't met yet As I grow old, I hope that I can keep an open mind 'Cause sometimes I just wanna die and I gotta tell myself that it's worth it in those times where I can smile and I don't need help It's been a rough few months but I don't think that I'd take back a thing And if I can sing my problems away, I don't think that there's any other way that I can be okay Oh I'll be okay, I can stay happy
16.
#1 Afterlife 02:29
I spent my whole life on the east coast except that one time where I made it out to Texas and came back okay But every time without exception, I'll write you a note every day Even it's in the form of chords and I forget to write it down Because I'm lazy and I forget things sometimes And sometimes I don't wanna talk to anyone in the room And I can't sleep because of everything that's been racing in my mind because I'll be home too soon The last few months have been a blur, playing all the shows in due time hoping that people watching approve But I'm not in this world for nothing, in a way I think I feel tied by a rope that's pulling me through Because I'm lazy and I don't remember things sometimes And sometimes I don't wanna talk to you And I feel crazy as I slowly get older and die Because I look at my grandparents and parents and I see older versions of me Maybe no one dies alone because they're with loved ones Maybe some people coincidentally die at the same time Maybe when I look at you I get a different picture You make me wish there was an afterlife
17.
I find myself in my own bed again I don't want to go to work I said I'd rather be dead I'm preferring the environment where I get to be myself I'll go back to yer house Pick you up and we'll see the best movie in town I'll always be around to pick you up when you're feeling down I hope my car doesn't break down in my twenties I know I won't be making enough of the money To get it fixed and move on with my life You will see my time come
18.
#3 Coda 01:26
Well help me Coda you know me so well I write your name on a page and you tell me that you're doing swell I called Melissa just the other day She said "life's a game" and I hope she's taking care of herself okay I make sure everyone's doing alright I keep on having these dreams of the skyline Well help me Coda I think I've run out ink I think my heart's too weak to carry my aching feet I know I've called you a thousand times just this week Maybe a few more would get me to think I make sure everyone's doing alright I wonder if I'll ever stop dreaming of the skyline
19.
Eight blocks away from the coffee I don't know why but I keep having these terrible caffeine headaches And I may have woken up for work late And I can wallow and I can complain To no avail, I'll still be in pain And I don't know why the things that are bad for you are so good And I need to continue delaying the problem like any other person would I'm a mess I don't know why but I keep pretending my phone will turn on after charging even though it's been dead for weeks And I should be somewhere out just playing Instead I'm over here just working trading in my time for money And I don't know why the things that are bad for you taste so good And I need to continue delaying the problem like any other person would And I can't find a better solution than simply just ignoring it So I guess I'll see the best of it, I guess I'll see the best of it
20.
#7 Frank 02:40
Maybe I put the wrong strings on it but your guitar still sounds like shit Frank and I'm sorry about the scratch and I plan to give it back the next time I'm up in Maryland playing shows or visiting family 'cause that's what I do I am a hardworking person and I am everywhere at once and only a few of you are people I get to meet, I wish I could meet everyone everyone Everyone has a story that I haven't heard All at once, all at once Every word for word I wanna hear them all at once The bus stop still scares me and the waves are still crashing making small rocks become a little smaller and I wish I had more time in the day I wish a lack of coffee didn't give me a headache but no one's life is perfect and I'm closer to a perfect life than a lot of other people and I didn't even have to work for it but I guess I'm not much like others like everyone everyone Everyone has a story that I haven't heard All at once, all at once Every word for word I wanna hear them all at once I wanna close out the sky, I wanna meet you in peace but I can't because of all of these simple needs But if you ever reach out to me, just know I'm a friend and I'm here if you need me And I'm hoping to see Frank before the end of the year when I'm not here and everyone I meet isn't working here in Myrtle Beach or on vacation They're all living in different places disguising their faces Covering their ground and just meeting the basics Waking up early and on the weekends they sleep in Making sure everyone they love is doing okay One day I'll end up like that
21.
#9 Dalton 03:52
I was 15 once and I remember it as the hardest year of my life I was busy writing songs to a guitar that I couldn't play yet I remember 16 wasn't much better I had a girlfriend who I spent all my time with And I had a band but we weren't all okay yet In fact we were pretty goddamn awful I remember riding arond in my car for no reason putting miles on it Well I guess some things just don't happen to change But at 17 I was doing bad things, I was staying out late, I was hanging with fiends And I hope that you can learn from all the poor choices I made But if you don't happen to, I think you'll end up okay And I feel the sun on my back and I'm reminded of the warmth I feel when I'm hangin with you And every time a friend can make me laugh Oh I can't find it in myself, no one's funnier than you And you and me need to look out for each other You and me are in this together And when you're 18 I want you to be like me I want you to start treading on the path you need to find yourself Remember to be kind and courteous but don't feel like you need to take people's shit You are clever and smart but you might need some help along the way and don't refuse it 'cause it's okay
22.
#11 Cancer 01:58
I had a dream last night that you were dying of cancer in your boyfriend's arms and I felt really bad Then I woke up suddenly and remembered that you're probably doing okay and that I'm happy for you When I fell back asleep I had another dream that my favorite band from high school told me my songs were good And I'm hoping to one day make that a reality And when I finally woke up for work I had a little bit of coffee that was put in the fridge and had a TV dinner in hopes that this whole day would go by faster than a 12 hour The one that I put up with reason so that I can tour Or at least that's what I tell myself when I wanna know more I'm always looking for an answer when there's just no answer to be found I am over analyzing the Myers Briggs test to the point where I cannot drive around and meet people without interpreting every sentence they say as if it was a script I am constantly needing a lift from the epitome of my suffering And you're not the kind of person that I meet usually And all I wanna do is tell you you're cute but it's hard to do that when there's 15 things that are constantly running in my head I'm in a work uniform in my bed I will find the answer to paradise and when I do I will come back and tell you
23.
#17 Rude Ppl 03:00
I hope we're cool and I know that you're gonna make something of yourself And I know that it's so hard to look toward the future when you've got so much falling apart in front of you and I don't have a clue of the things you go through everyday But I'd like to know where we went wrong way back in tenth grade or so I thought I'd like to think that things were simpler back then but they're not I'm digging and scratching for a better line but it's hard to find one when I've got a mind that is being clogged with media beyond my reference every day I want to thank the ppl that can't find the time to thank me when I open up the door for them in a gas station in Ohio or West Virginia or any state along the east coast Soon enough it'll be the west coast I hope
24.
There's lots of pretty people in Philly and I feel so overwhelmed And I gotta write down my thoughts or they'll all be dumped on down the well of my mind that is a waste of time for anyone to cut their hair to And I can see myself in my mind's eye and I think of it as short as you But I'm glad that life isn't so damn bad as the way they paint it out to be If I can pay my bills with these rags, as long as I can be debt free As long as someone cares enough to tell me that they love me I think that'd be sufficient There's lots of cemeteries in Connellsville Where my aunts and uncles lie I keep saying I'm gonna visit but I keep pushing it on down the line of the time that I think I told you I didn't have years ago Because you know the details of that story and the things that I can't let go But I'm glad that life isn't so damn bad as the way they paint it out to be If I can pay my bills with these rags, as long as I can live debt free As long as someone cares enough to tell me that they love me I think that'd be sufficient
25.
Birdie 06:16
When we were kids you were the weather So when you cried it rained down on me And I would sigh and go inside Hoping for better nights to come for weeks Our parents they were vultures They would come down to the street Separating what was familiar And now you’re not so familiar to me And through the garage we were inside So the birds couldn’t touch us We’d play all those little card games Until I went home because I had enough We played all those games But there was a particular one Where there was a card you would never show me You never told me, how come? One day I rode my bike And a towel got lodged in the chain And you were kind and got it out for me I made it home and you were to thank I would sleep in every Saturday And you would do the same And I would wake up like it was yesterday And run to your house to play those games My little birdie was crying The day you never came back And I still think that I saw you You were out there with your basketball I will leave Myrtle Beach I’ll fly away to somewhere nice I’ll be on a tropical island And I will live my own life I am glad I left that street The vultures they can’t touch me And I if I had to repeat I don’t think I’d repeat anything I remember you told me one day You said “Quinn, my house is dying My house above an apartment My love, my kin”

about

This collection of songs is a combination of four EPs and a bunch of loose tracks I never put out. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and takes the time to check this out.

credits

released October 8, 2016

Various people played with me or helped me record in some way on a handful of these tracks and these people include Jackson May, Greg Dudley, James Uzzel, and Thomas Hickman

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Quinn Cicala Atlanta, Georgia

for booking: quinncicala@gmail.com

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